Arrrg! Walk the Plank, Matey!

Brunhilda here:
I told you that I believe trouble is brewing with the family renting in our new listing. Our first real estate showing request came in yesterday morning. We immediately contacted the tenant to request a 4 pm showing for tomorrow afternoon. That is well over 24 hour notice, not nap or dinner time, it should work! Right? First she tells us that 4 pm is usually her little guy's fussy time. Really! He's 3! Fussy time? Come on! Fussy time is for infants! I am mentally sharpening one of her kitchen knives. Randee patiently suggests that the weather should be great for taking the little guy for a nice walk around the block. The tenant grudgingly gives her ok to the showing.
The buyers arrive with their agent, right on time. We ring the tenant to say we are on the way up, hoping they are not home. Of course, they are there. Mom tell us to give them about 5 minutes and then come up. Randee uses the time to show the parking space in the garage. Then we all head up to the unit. As Randee knocks on the door, foolishly hoping they've left, we hear Sesame Street playing on the TV, loudly. Our knock is answered by our darling little toddler. He's donning a pirate hat, eye patch and brandishing a toy sword. He waves it at the young buyers, threatening them if they dare to walk into his room! Lovely! Mom is at the cook top stirring something. She says nothing to her child. There is something burning in the oven. The buyers, a young couple, ask Mom nervously, "Is this a bad time for us to be here?" Can these tenants make our job any harder!!!
Since mom is standing in the kitchen, cooking, we decide to look through the rest of the condo. Its as big a mess as you would expect. Even the shower has clothes hung up to dry in it. Randee is quietly seething, but continues the showing.
Back in the kitchen, where we find mom stirring-frying what looks like fish in a pan on a high fire. Ooops, I just happen to knock her into the pan and hot oil just splattered her hand and arm. So sorry!
Watch your back, Momma!
Brunhilda here, signing off for today. *don't forget, no telling Randee, she'd kill me!

Warning! Stay off The Tracks!

Brunhilda here
You know that feeling you get, the one when you're watching something about to crash and you know you should stop and do something? Like someone on the tracks when a train is coming. You want to help,but then it all just happens anyway. Well, today that is how I felt as a perfectly nice condo in Chicago's River North neighborhood went from wow to oh no you didn't!
Our new seller lives out of the state. He asked us to list his condo here in Chicago. He hasn't seen the place for over 2 years. He and his wife moved out but decided not to sell it back then. Instead they rented it to a lovely young couple. They say that their tenants are great. They never make a late payment, so they are sure they must be very orderly, organized people. We make our appointment to go see the home before putting the condo up for sale.
We are very excited about this great building, right in the heart of the Cathedral District's section of River North. Perfect! Beautiful building, across the street from a Whole Foods Grocery store which makes it even better. Randee calls to set the appointment. There's a child crying in the background. The tenant agrees to have us over later the same day. She is very specific about being there at exactly 11:15 a.m.
We arrive on the dot, 11:15. Mom and tot greet us at the door. He's about 3 and very cute. Looking past her shoulder, there are toys all over, a child size table is in the living room where a couch should be. It is covered with Play Dough. There is a slide and plastic kitchen set up where the dining room table should be. There are streamers hanging from the ceiling and over the fireplace. The walls of the living room have paper drawings taped up proudly displaying the toddler's doodles and scribbles. That's just the beginning.
After a tour of the home, which is cluttered and very child-centric in a bad way mom, sits us down in adult-sized furniture with a child sized chair for the kid. She then reads us the rules. She asks us to please give her 48 hours notice for any showings and not to show the home between 9:30am-11:00am or 1:30pm-3:00pm or 5:00-7pm
Then she says that noon isn't good either because it is lunch time and 4:00 is difficult because she is preparing dinner. And 7pm is hard because that would be bath time.
I feel myself beginning to boil over. But this one time Randee holds me back. Darn her ex-preschool-teacher-understanding-patient-self! This was a perfect set up for a quick burst of Brunhilda-style confrontation. I am vigilantly present.
Randee explains that we have to compromise and suggests ways to pick up after the toddler to make the home more appealing to potential buyers. She even agrees to the 48 hour notice and two nap-time blocks on showing. She also points out how very nice it would be if they could take the monster, I mean child, for a brief walk during showings since they will only take about 20 minutes. Randee thinks they have reached an understanding. Poor thing.
Mom shoots what looks to me to be an evil little sneer at Randee.
Brunhilda signing off but waiting. A crash is coming!

Honestly, Mr. Inspector!

Brunhilda here
One potato, two potato, three potato, four. Some times inspectors should not open the door. He showed up early and shouldn't have stayed so late. He picked at the carpet and commented on the gate. Nothing was broken at this house, so he had to work hard to earn his keep. He even tried to prove that the roof had a leak. The buyer's agent had to go, She had an appointment to keep. So, as the good listing agent, I covered this home inspection and watched this freak. The buyers are afraid of heights, as the inspector climbed up alone, they waved. I followed Mr Inspector up and found him digging for proof. He picked at the shingles with a very sharp tool. When he made a nice round hole he began to drool. Ah, says he, I have found a defect! Really, I asked? That hole is suspect! Could you have just made that hole right there? How dare you, he shouted as he stepped back a hair. He sneered and said, I resent your claim! At that response, I felt my body propelled, arms stretched as I ran toward him and aimed...Whoops!
Dishonesty really ticks me off! Bye, bye Mr. Inspector. You should have played golf.

Brunhilda here, signing off for today! (Don't forget, you said you wouldn't tell Randee)

Decide or Die

My name is Brunhilda. No one really knows about me because I am a bit of a wicked secret. I live deep within the body of a residential Realtor in Chicago. As we all know, being a real estate agent has its challenges. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But sometimes it just about drives me nuts. That's when I show up as the alter-ego of Randee Simborg. I have some confessions to make.Sometimes I, Brunhilda, just take over for sweet little Randee. This is a blog written by me, Brunhilda. If Randee knew about it she would be furious. Get it! After all everyone knows that Randee is an innocent, gentle and forgiving person who always has a smile on her face and adores all of her clients. She would NEVER, EVER say or do anything I would! She is not at all the kind of person who has murderous intentions, and acts on them. But then this is Brunhilda, and that's why I am going public with my adventures...but don't tell Randee!

It all started with the buyer who couldn’t make up her mind. She thought she wanted to live in one neighborhood and then another. We went to see 58 condos in 7 different Chicago neighborhoods on 10 different occasions. We hit Lincoln Park, Lakeview, Bucktown, Wicker Park, the Gold Coast, River North and Old Town. Shockingly, not one of the condos we saw were "right" for her. Of course she didn’t want to up her price point or move further out. What good would that have done? When she insisted that I wasn’t taking her to see the best condos because I didn’t like her, I did the only logical thing I could think of, I killed her.

I want you to know, dear reader, that I sincerely believe my victims had it coming. I am a hot talent simply doing justice for the real estate community. So far, I’ve done in a couple of truly unethical real estate agents, some very despicable property managers and a nasty inspector. Oh, and there were one or two real estate attorneys as well, but I seriously don’t think those should count.

I am sure that if I were tried and judged by a true jury of my peers (other ethical real estate agents), I would surely be acquitted. I know I should stop, but they just keep provoking me.

So, I took care of Miss Undecided Buyer. I then went to Saks where they had the greatest sale!

This is Brunhilda signing off for today. (please don’t show this to Randee!)