Brunhilda Does A Job For The Mob?

Brunhilda here,
Finally, a reasonable week. No crooks, cuckoos, or evil-doers. I've had the pleasure of staying under the radar. As the alter-ego of the gentle real estate agent, you only get to know me when someone pushes my buttons.  But not this week. This week we worked with strong buyers, had good showings at our listings, and we had a good walk- through for a closing scheduled for Monday. Can't complain about this week. A little boring.
How about another story from the past: I'm exhausted from keeping secrets.
She came to us as a referral from a doorman. We were living in Streeterville at the time. A much desired, new construction, luxury high rise with lots of glass and concrete. This buyer was only interested in our building. She walked into the lobby looking a lot like Michelle Pfieiffer in  the 1988 film "Married to the Mob. Dark hair all puffed up, tight, tight jeans, sparkly top, heavy make up and high-spiky shoes. She must have been about 40 years old, if I were to be kind, which I am not. She chose a 2 bedroom/2 bathroom unit with a view of the park and lake. We made a very reasonable offer. Great!. It got accepted. Even better! When it was time for earnest money to be deposited, there was no problem. She said she was divorced but her Ex was going to give her the money to buy the condo. Her attorney verified this info. The check was handed over to the listing agent for deposit. No problem. Yet the listing agent kept calling. He said he had a bad feeling about her. Funny, we just weren't into the ESP or whatever.
Two days before closing, Ms Mob Chick went missing. No return of phone calls. No walk through request. No communication with her attorney. Gone! Randee wondered if her Ex really was a mob guy. The attorney had slipped a couple of times and said something about not wanting to mess with him. Now what?
Well, I, Brunhilda tracked her down the day after the NO-SHOW never closing, closing. She said she wasn't able to close, period! Now I didn't want to wait for her Ex to EXplain, so I took matters into my own hands. Now she's wearing concrete heels and swimming with da-fishes.
Speaking of fish, there's a new seafood restaurant I'm dying to try. Well, may be not dying.
Hey, I shared this with you, but don't tell Randee. She thinks the lady was punished enough by losing her $78k earnest money deposit. So, seriously, don't tell! I know you!

He Had it Coming

Brunhilda here:
Since last I wrote we've been busy. We have new buyers who really love Chicago. They're terrific. There has been an uptick in showing requests for our listings, which is nice. Its the 4th quarter of 2009 and it hasn't been a great year. But hope for a good finish is growing.
Meanwhile, back at the cursed listing in the River North neighborhood I keep talking about. We've got a showing request. The agent requesting is a fast talking guy. He's coming in the middle of a busy Saturday afternoon. For once we are thrilled to find the tenants have vacated for the day. When the agent arrives, we are struck by an overwhelming scent of nasty big cigar. Let me paint the picture. He swaggers in with a half-smoked but unlit cigar in hand. The only thing missing in this picture is a big black cape a mustache and a large black fedora. He's alone. He's representing himself as a buyer. Randee greets him with her usual sunny smile.
Have you ever noticed how men with big cigars also seem to have giant personalities? Not the good kind. Well, this guy fits the bill. He walks through the condo like a cop at a crime scene. It goes something like this: "Man look at that kitchen, there's some mess, and how about the floors in this joint! Well that bathroom will need a buzz-saw. The master bedroom, was that done in the 80's? I thought this was built in the 90's. Geez, babe, this is a real gut job." Now, Randee knows this place needs work, so she isn't fazed by his vibrato. But I find him quite grating! He continues; "Its too bad, honey, cuz this building's real nice and the location is a dream. Tell you what, I'm gonna make an offer, take this dog off your hands". He then names a number that is $100,000 under the asking price. He says, "I got to get my guys in here to gut the whole place. It's gonna cost me a fortune." He rubs the cigar between his fingers and points it at Randee. She stays pretty cool and tells Mr. Stinky Big Cigar Jerk to put his offer in writing. His answer; "Ya know doll, I will do that right after you call the seller with my verbal offer". Now the unlit cigar is hanging out of his mouth as he plasters a big crooked smile on his face. Randee asks, "What company are you with again?" He answers with his own name. Hmmmm, is he even for real, she wonders? She nicely replies that she will not call her owners with an offer that isn't in writing. She even quotes her managing broker, "A verbal offer isn't worth the paper it isn't written on". She again, says, "If you're serious about your offer, please put it in writing."
This schmo takes a bold step towards Randee with his unlit cigar pointing at her. He says," Now listen doll face, I have saved agents with crappy properties more times than you have sneezed."

Well, that was it for me! Mr. Stinky Big Cigar Jerk! Somehow that cigar just ended up getting pushed down his chunky little throat.

After disposing of the mess, we locked up and headed out to do another showing in the Streeterville neighborhood. On the way, we pass the most adorable little puppy. Don't cute little puppies just make you smile!

Brunhilda signing off for today. Don't tell little Randee, she just couldn't take it.

Arrrg! Walk the Plank, Matey!

Brunhilda here:
I told you that I believe trouble is brewing with the family renting in our new listing. Our first real estate showing request came in yesterday morning. We immediately contacted the tenant to request a 4 pm showing for tomorrow afternoon. That is well over 24 hour notice, not nap or dinner time, it should work! Right? First she tells us that 4 pm is usually her little guy's fussy time. Really! He's 3! Fussy time? Come on! Fussy time is for infants! I am mentally sharpening one of her kitchen knives. Randee patiently suggests that the weather should be great for taking the little guy for a nice walk around the block. The tenant grudgingly gives her ok to the showing.
The buyers arrive with their agent, right on time. We ring the tenant to say we are on the way up, hoping they are not home. Of course, they are there. Mom tell us to give them about 5 minutes and then come up. Randee uses the time to show the parking space in the garage. Then we all head up to the unit. As Randee knocks on the door, foolishly hoping they've left, we hear Sesame Street playing on the TV, loudly. Our knock is answered by our darling little toddler. He's donning a pirate hat, eye patch and brandishing a toy sword. He waves it at the young buyers, threatening them if they dare to walk into his room! Lovely! Mom is at the cook top stirring something. She says nothing to her child. There is something burning in the oven. The buyers, a young couple, ask Mom nervously, "Is this a bad time for us to be here?" Can these tenants make our job any harder!!!
Since mom is standing in the kitchen, cooking, we decide to look through the rest of the condo. Its as big a mess as you would expect. Even the shower has clothes hung up to dry in it. Randee is quietly seething, but continues the showing.
Back in the kitchen, where we find mom stirring-frying what looks like fish in a pan on a high fire. Ooops, I just happen to knock her into the pan and hot oil just splattered her hand and arm. So sorry!
Watch your back, Momma!
Brunhilda here, signing off for today. *don't forget, no telling Randee, she'd kill me!